I’ve known what I want to do for a while now. I want to write. Simple. But the hard part was believing that I could. That I should. That investing days, weeks, months, years, hell even a lifetime, to something that may not even work out was slightly insane. But I couldn’t help myself.
So, I quit my job. And I started writing. And there was always this little voice in the corner of my mind, doubtful and impatient. Just waiting, biding its time, seeping a little more of my willpower and self-esteem each day. But at the same time, I was loving mostly every minute of every day because I was writing. It was tough, but I loved it.
One day I was working out, sitting on a wobbly bench between sets just staring at the garage door and a thought popped into my head. A different voice, one seemingly not my own. And it asked me, why not? What was stopping me? What was my measure of being a writer?
And then I realised, well why not? There’s literally nothing stopping me. My measure as a writer, is to write. And that was what I’d been doing, what I planned to continue doing. I’d had a plan but in that little corner of the back of my mind with the little voice was always a Plan B. But Plan B went out the window when I realised that Plan A is all I need.
Trust and patience will get me where I want to be and who is to say I haven’t achieved what I set out to do, other than me. And that moment, sweaty and sitting alone in a garage gym, changed everything. Most importantly it changed the way I see myself and the power I have over the decisions I make and the actions I take.
That little voice will always be there. I just need to be louder than it, to work with patience and trust that I will get myself to where I want and need to be.